Adulting

Well guys.. I did so much adulting this weekend. I paid a school bill, I paid the interest on my student loans, I paid $60 on my laptop (which is in layaway at Walmart), and I checked my credit score. If that’s not adulting, then I have no clue what would be. Growing up is definitely not something we want to do, but it’s not like we can stop it from happening. It’s a part of life.

For example, I thought I had everything figured out. I was going to go to school for education. But now, I don’t know. I have been contemplating several different things as an alternative. Social work for one, nursing for another. I just feel as though teaching is something completely out of my element. The more and more I get into classes. For example, I have to go to Northwest (which, if you’re from around Indianapolis, it’s almost comparable to Tech) and do hours of service for one of my classes. I am so nervous about it. I have gone to private schools my entire life. I’ve never even stepped foot inside of a public school during school hours. So to say that it makes me anxious, is an understatement.┬áBut the thought of having to be in a school like this for student teaching, or for permanent, scares me.

On top of the anxiety of stepping out of my comfort zone. I don’t want to have to worry about money when I grow up. I want to be living comfortably. The thought of not getting paid for two, almost three, months does not do my anxiety any good. Do you see my dilemma? I don’t know what I want to do.

But on top of all of this, as I start to think more into the future all I can think about is missing my kids things. Teaching is not just a 7-3 job. It is an all day, round the clock, job. The thought of not being able to see my kid make a goal or score a touchdown because my nose is deep in a stack of papers that needs to be graded bothers me. I want to be that mom with my kids. I want to be the typical mini-van soccer mom. I want to be the mom that their kids friends want to come over to the house every day because we have pizza rolls as an after school snack. Ya know what I’m saying?

So am I saying that I’m changing majors? No. Am I saying that I am thinking about changing majors? Yes. To what? I have no clue. Let’s just slow your roll, and take this minute by minute or my anxiety is going to shoot through the roof.

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